12 Trials A Romeo
by saffroncremebrulee
Summary: Priest Seto must complete 12 trials to rescue Kisara's soul. Unfortunately, the only person who can help him is Seto Kaiba, who doesn't believe in "that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo." Will Seto and Kaiba work together or is poor Kisara doomed? Intellectual adventure/humor/Mizushipping fic based on the 12 Labors of Hercules.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, themes, and stories of YGO and Egyptian/Greek/Roman mythology. This is a work of fiction.**

**The title and story are allusions to the 12 Labors of Hercules, _12 Years a Slave_, and _Romeo and Juliet_. I do not own those works, either.**

**Many thanks for the talented Umiko581 for suggestions, encouragement, and artwork. :)**

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><p><strong>Egypt, The Hall of Kings<strong>

Anubis resisted the urge to maim Seto Kaiba.

Barely.

How _dare_ this insolent mortal question the veracity of his existence as the ruler of deceased souls? And in the Hall of Kings, too, where only the greatest of the great Gods deigned to gather for what is obviously the not so great of the mortals. Anubis studied Kaiba with narrowed eyes. Surely this puny person didn't _need_ all four of limbs to function properly. This mortal certainly didn't need all _ten_ of his fingers to stroke his ego. The loss of two or three should be enough to teach him that the Gods were not fairy tales but real, powerful-

_Ahem._ Ra's telepathic cough interrupted a particularly heinous image, jerking Anubis from a very satisfying and very painful answer to Seto Kaiba's attitude problem.

_Right._ Anubis sighed as he shelved his plans. _Must. Not. Hurt. Human. Yet._

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><p>Oblivious to Anubis' wrath, Seto Kaiba continued to rail against the most realistic nightmare he has ever experienced. There, suspended in time, kneeling before a large stone statute of a dog, was his doppelganger, begging the Gods for one last chance to save some fool named Kisara from what everyone knows to be a myth adults used to trick children out of Halloween candy. His doppleganger was also dressed in some sort of sheet-like contraption, just like <em>that guy<em> in the creepy house all the neighborhood children whispered about. And this fantastical apparition wanted his help in some idiotic quest to save an imaginary girlfriend from a dilapidated piece of rock.

_This is the last time I let Mokuba invite Yugi and those quixotic Ishtars over for dinner_, Kaiba thought. He put on his best CEO face and snarled. "_Look_, whoever you are, I do NOT believe in that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo and I am NOT helping you turn me into a laughingstock. Now release me or prepare to face the wrath of the entire Kaiba Corporation."

Not for the first time, Priest Seto resisted the urge to maim Seto Kaiba, too. Evidently the centuries have not been kind to his future self. Future Kaiba was just as brilliant as he was, but he clearly failed to inherit humility and manners. "Please listen-"

"Spare me the bedtime stories." Kaiba snarled. "I refuse to let a mirage order me around. Do you even know who I am?"

Not for the last time, Priest Seto regretted asking Ra for a partner in his mission to rescue Kisara's soul. Following the ancient tradition, he had challenged Anubis to 12 trials of wit in order to save Kisara from having to spend eternity in the Underworld with the rest of the duel monster spirits. He was hoping Ra would assign him a partner of faith, honor, and intelligence. Someone like Atem, for example. Instead, Ra taxed him with the worst possible combination of arrogance, brilliance, and cynicism- his future self, Seto Kaiba, boy billionaire, and, at the moment, head buffoon to the Egyptian Gods.

_Thunk. _

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><p>Anubis smiled approvingly as Priest Seto kicked Kaiba in the shin, upsetting the human's balance and dropping him to his knees. <em>Hmm<em>, he thought, _this one is devious and just the right amount of ruthless. The exact kind of underling I like. Perhaps I will let him keep a few fingers after thoroughly trouncing his intellect. _

"Excellent." Anubis pronounced out loud. "By kneeling, you both submit to my conditions. You shall have twelve days to complete my tasks. If you both succeed, I will reunite the slightly brighter one with the soul of his beloved and will not punish the dimmer one. If you both fail, you are to acknowledge my superiority over all of your souls and never bother me again with your insolence and arrogance."

"The only thing you're superior in is your-" Kaiba buckled again as Priest Seto kicked his other shin.

Anubis growled. Yes, four limbs were definitely too many...

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><p><strong>Japan, The Kaiba Mansion<strong>

"Did it work?" Mokuba asked anxiously. He peered at Kaiba's sleeping form. "Is his soul in Egypt now?"

Ishizu Ishtar patted his head and smiled. "Yes. Judging by the infuriated look on his face, he's already at the Hall of Kings."

"Will he be safe?" Worry filled Mokuba's eyes as he readjusted Kaiba's blankets.

"Priest Seto promised to keep your brother safe during the trials, Mokuba. Don't worry."

Mokuba smiled. "He better. My big brother knows karate and he's not afraid to kick butt."

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><p><strong>Egypt, Valley of the Kings<strong>

Kaiba acquainted Priest Seto with his black belt status as soon as Anubis deposited them in the middle of the desert. Fists connected with fists as the two wrestled. Grunts echoed as they gave and blocked blows. Sand swirled ominously, but neither noticed until a particularly powerful gust toppled them. Panting, they crawled behind a sand dune, grinding their teeth and silently vowing to break their forced detente as soon as circumstances allowed.

Priest Seto spoke first. "I apologize for kicking you, but it was necessary that you cooperate."

Kaiba glared. He grudgingly admitted to himself that he would have utilized the same tactics had the roles been reversed. Since that was not the case, however, he snapped. "Save it. Get me out of this and maybe I won't press charges."

A papyrus scroll materialized in Priest Seto's hands. To Kaiba's shock, he realized he could read hieroglyphs in this nightmare._ Whatever. At least Yugi isn't here to suffocate me with his stupid destiny speeches. _

Those who seek me shall not find me

Those deserve me do not want me

When day equals night

I shall be within sight

Three equal parts I am

Two circles whole I form

Enter and you shall find

The deepest desires of your mind

A small, knowing smile crept across Priest Seto's face. _So Anubis likes to play?_

A matching smirk appeared on Kaiba's face._ This is just too easy. Where's the real challenge?_

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><p><strong>Your turn, reader. Props if you can guess the meaning of this riddle and bonus points if you can guess what the next trial will be (no, it is not wresting an actual lion, but think in the direction of a group of lions). <strong>

**Hints: Each of the first three couplet refers to something different: thing/time/location. The last couplet is directions. Note Priest Seto and Kaiba's geographic location. **


	2. Chapter 1- The Lion's Pride

**Disclaimer: Still do not own YGO. **

A million thanks to Umiko581 for the cover art and edits.

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><p><strong>Egypt, The Pyramids<strong>

The scorecard: one for team Seto and Kaiba and zero for Anubis.

Surprising only each other, Priest Seto and Kaiba solved the riddle at the same time. Their precise, mathematical brains analyzed all the available options before leaping to the obvious conclusions. The first verse referred to power. It was really a simple matter of logical deduction: as all despots have learned, those who seek absolute power never find it for long; as all wise rulers know, those who deserve absolute power would rather catch knives in their bare hands than take on the responsibility. But what could this absolute power mean?

Considering their geographic location, it was obvious that the second couplet referred to those who once held and perhaps still hold power- the kings. Before them, triumphant structures carved into the brilliant blue sky, framed by splashes of golden lava. The time must refer to the imminent sunrise, one of two exact times during the day when light and dark held a truce in their never ending battle for dominance.

Kaiba's strides were long and languid. He surveyed the pyramids for geometric perfection. His arms flowing with a purposeful nonchalance as he eliminated the imperfect contenders. His eyes sparkled with intellectual fervor he he considered the riddle. He was looking for three perfect equilateral triangles, sixty degrees in each corner and four perfect mirror images on each side. Four triangles for a total of seven hundred and twenty degrees or two perfect circles. Placed side by placed, the symbol for infinity- the infinite powers of the ancient Pharaohs, sealed by magic in their tombs.

"That one." Kaiba's eyes latched onto a particularly handsome structure. The desert around it pulsed with energy. They walked briskly, mindful of the rising sun above them. Their shadows matched their pace, changing angles as the balance between light and dark shifted towards equilibrium.

Seto followed his gaze. _Yes_, in the distance, a feat of human ingenuity greeted his eyes. He recognized its owner immediately. _How very like Anubis to remind me of his power. _He ignored Kaiba's startled grunt of recognition and knocked on the twin doors. _Visiting my own tomb. Harrumph._

At that precise moment, the rising sun illuminated faint hieroglyphs coating the walls. Daylight and moonlight- equal in measure- revealed the small golden scale. Two circular plates glimmered, then pulsed.

Suddenly, they shimmered into reality. One shiny plate landed in front of Seto's feet. A matching plate parked itself in front of Kaiba.

Seto understood the meaning of the test immediately. He was to stand on one side while Kaiba stood on the other. They would have to balance their faith and skepticism if they were to pass this test and gain entry to their heart's desire. _Color me frustrated. I would have better luck taming scorpions with a hammock._

Sighing, Seto positioned one foot onto the scale. Gingerly, he added his other foot. For a second, the scale stood still. Then it lurched, its precariously empty side shooting into the azure sky. Seto dangled as the plates wobbled and then fell painfully on his rear in the sand. Evidently this was not a one person job. Both sides of the scale had to be occupied at the same exact time for the door to open.

Kaiba's blood pressure rose as the scene unfolded. That apparition appeared to have _mass_. Why else would the scale tilt when he placed his weight on it? This nightmare just keeps deteriorating. First, a ghost blackmails him into participating into some hare-brained quest to reunite with a dead lover. Next, this being tricks him into visiting its tomb to show off his flowery obituary. Now this thing gained mass and, from the look on its face, wants his help yet again to balance some crazy mechanical contraption that sends users plummeting into the desert. And whoever or whatever that was standing in front of him looked, acted, and sounded exactly as he did. _Great. I've finally cracked. Forgive me, my monograms. I am not worthy._

Seto noticed Kaiba's expressions with alarm. This man's skepticism knew no bounds. Reason and logic ruled his mind. He had long sealed his heart and faith, choosing instead to wed pride and loneliness as his companions. Kaiba was determined to live as a shadow of the man he could be, shrouding his true self from all.

Seto sighed. He recognized himself in Kaiba. He, too, was prideful, but his pride originated from his desire to challenge destiny, light itself, and the Gods for a chance to reunite with Kisara. Her light guided him as he rebuilt Egypt from ruins ravaged by evil and war, and her spirit sustained him as he ruled with wisdom and fairness on the throne. His pride kept him from falling apart during the lonely nights, but the hollowness in his heart followed him even in death. He would have to swallow his pride if he wanted to succeed in this quest. He placed his feet onto the plate and looked at Kaiba, a soft plea in his eyes.

Kaiba paused. Though he would never admit it, he had softened somewhat to the strange man with terrible fashion sense as they trekked through the Valley of Kings. There was something familiar about the glint of determination in Seto's eyes. It was as if he carried an unspeakable burden that threatened to crush him for the slightest of mistakes. Only pride kept Seto from displaying signs of weakness and need. If it wasn't against all the rules of logic and reason, that kind of drive he could have very well possessed in a past life.

Kaiba sighed. Perhaps...he could shelf his skepticism just this once. After all, this could be the first stimulating intellectual challenge he's faced in years. Ra knows the nerd herd were easy pickings for idiocy and folly. He would have a harder time writing with his feet.

Kaiba placed one foot and then the other onto the plate. Immediately, the scale rose, tilting slightly from side to side before coming to a stop. The light from their shadows illuminated the twin doors. They opened with the reluctant squeak of stones unmarred by time.

Seto's eyes widened. "So you sympathize with my quest, then?"

Kaiba's only answer was a snort. _Whatever. Insulting Wheeler was getting too easy, anyway._

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><p>Darkness enclosed the inner sanctum of the pyramid. Vanilla and frankincense blanketed the air. A velvet touch of myrrh masked the sense of decay. It was evident that no human footsteps have touched the stone floors for quite some time, yet the objects within appeared to be immaculate, almost as if an unseen power had suspended the room in time. Gold, jewels, and various objects d'art decorated the four walls. Ancient hieroglyphs gave testament to Pharaoh Seto's wisdom and justice as a ruler. Faded drawings depicted various scenes from his life- his birth, his friendship with Atem, his great works for Egypt, and, finally, his death.<p>

Seto strode past his legacy without a second glance. It was just that- the past. He had plenty of time to relive those memories in the afterlife. He wanted to create new and hopefully happier memories now.

A small, wooden table sat in the middle of the room. Two chairs faced each other. An imperceptible glow emanated from two small boards resting on its surface. Each of the two wooden squares contained ten rows and ten columns for a total of one hundred squares each. A small, two-sided coin lay on square. One of the boards contained coins that were red on one side and blank on the other. The other board contained coins that were red on one side and black on the other.

Kaiba poked a coin. Nothing. Gingerly, he turned it over. It felt solid enough, but the metal balanced itself neatly on one of its edges before he knocked it flat. _Hmm. Not a poisonous trap but a game of some sort._ _Interesting._

Seto opened the papyrus scroll:

On red alone shall love flourish

Hatred alone shall black nourish

If loneliness I seek to avoid

Then fill I must my mind's great void

If love is to win inside my heart

Then two challenges each I must outsmart

If all I see must be true

Then which path is the right of two?

He and Kaiba exchanged amused glances as they began to rearrange the coins. _This shouldn't take long at all._

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><p><strong>Any takers for this riddle? Think mergers and acquisitions.<strong>


	3. Chapter 2- The Hydra's Loneliness

**Disclaimer: Still do not own YGO or the 12 Labors of Hercules. This one is based on the hydra. **

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><p>Kaiba sneered at the game board. <em>Anubis calls this a challenge? Please. I would have a harder time writing a best-seller in Klingon. <em>

Deftly, he worked his fingers over the game board. For love- the red coins- to win, it must be true that the board has at least fifty-one red coins. Actually, it could be true that the board had anywhere from fifty-one to a hundred red coins, but only the barest majority is required to win the game. Thus, he balanced forty-nine red and blank coins on their edges. He was just thinking it was as easy as bringing trench coats back when a dark chuckle caressed his ears.

_Foolish human._ _This is where the game starts. _

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><p><em>Blue. <em>

Her eyes had been blue.

The memory assaulted Kaiba's senses, trapping his consciousness like a flock of teenage girls with pumpkin spice lattes. Or, in this case, a cunning fox trapping his prey.

_Squeak. Smash. **Crunch. **_

He hadn't thought of her in a long time; in fact, he made a conscious effort to forget everything that reminded him of her.

_Blue. _

His mother's eyes had been blue.

He remembered now, gazing again into a sea of azure as she held him tight, humming a familiar lullaby. She murmured something about being a good big brother and taking good care of Mokie, but he hadn't understood until today what she meant. He watched his childhood self nod with a graveness he didn't yet comprehend before the lights around her hospital bed flashed.

_Blue._

Then he was alone. With Mokuba. No one left to cradle them; only the emptiness of despair.

_I'll take care of you, Mokie._

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><p>Navy.<p>

Her eyes were navy.

Her gaze pierced his soul even in his memories. Off to one side, the nerd herd gaped, hovering protectively over Yugi as he cried salty tears into the stones of Pegasus' castle. The last vestiges of the Celtic Guardian faded into the evening mist, forlorn. A handful of star chips fluttered to his feet. Something silver and scaly disappeared, too, but he couldn't remember what it was.

_Drip. Drip. **Drip.**_

She exploded then, shattering the eerie silence that cradled them. She accused him of being less than half a man. Yugi had friends until the bitter end. What did he have at the end of the day?

"I have all that I need," he whispered, the barest tinge of hesitation on his lips.

He had been truly alone then. No one to soothe his loneliness except the void of loss and the dark drive of ambition.

_I'm coming for you, Mokie._

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><p>Cerulean.<p>

The water was cerulean.

The crate exploded in the water, shooting a tsunami of waves into the sky. He stepped back before he realized this was another recollection.

He wondered if she still thought he was less than half a man. He has just broken the rare hunter's hand and spine, saving her life. Is that what real men do? Her words cut him deep and hard. At that moment, he desperately wanted someone- even if it was the Gardner girl- to acknowledge that, contrary to popular belief, Seto Kaiba had a heart, albeit a very icy and very small one.

_Plop. Plop. **Plop.** _

She thanked Mokie and ran towards the shrimp and mutt, never once glancing in his direction.

He was alone again, gawking at the chair she warmed not a second before. It was as if he were air itself, invisible to the human eye_._

_Who would come for me? _

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><p>So went his life in a dizzying kaleidoscope of memories.<p>

Recollection after recollection. Sob after sob. As soon as he overcame one challenge, another followed. It was a divine conspiracy designed to make him as miserable and alone as possible. Or perhaps it was a comedy for powers beyond himself. His troubles sprouted from each other like heads from a hydra, each begetting two more like a never ending parade of fleas at the pound. His parents. The orphanage. Gozaburo. The Big 5. Mokuba. Noah. Everything in his life was a shade of blue; he would never beat this monster because it was his destiny.

_Blue._

As long as the sun rose, someone would be after him. After Mokuba, After everything he struggled to build for them both. He would fight and scrape for every scrap of dignity he had because it was the Kaiba way. Exhaustion and weariness drained his spirit. The darkness was so sweet- so tempting- all he had to do was choose the blankness in his heart and he could-

_Blue._

Blue bordering on silver.

Why was it so familiar?

_I'm coming for you, Seto. Wait for me. _

The red coins glowed as Kaiba struggled for consciousness.

_Blankness._

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><p><strong>No riddle this week, but guess who's making a cameo (along with another game) next week? <strong>


	4. Chapter 3- The Priest's Dragon

**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO or the 12 Trials of Hercules. This chapter is based on the trial of Diana's pet deer.**

**Credit to Umiko581 for edits and for introducing me to the original coin weighing game. Riddle courtesy of yours truly.**

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><p>Seto gaped at the now empty seat in front of him, not believing his eyes. Kaiba had occupied that wooden chair until a few minutes ago, laughing about how easy this game was compared to the first two riddles. Now he was gone, diffused into the game board like honey in milk.<p>

The air stirred with mystery and danger.

Seto sighed. It was just like Kaiba to plunge head-first into everything, confident in his own brilliance and completely ignoring the smarts of others. He possessed a certain aloofness, almost as if his destiny was to complete every single task alone. The man would blind himself than ask for or receive help. _A shame, really._ He would have friends if he only opened his eyes.

_The coins are just the beginning. The real challenge is inside the board._

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><p>Kaiba awoke with a groan. His head throbbed. His gaze was hazy. A halo of silver hair grazed his shoulder. The faint trace of tears baptized his lapels.<p>

He looked up and into the bluest pair of eyes he had ever seen. They looked achingly familiar, but he couldn't place them in his confusion. _Where have I seen them before?_

Clear, crystal, and cornflower blue.

He knew those eyes- her entire life was written in them- but who was she?

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><p><em>Click. Clack. <strong>Squish.<strong> _

There she was at five, crumpled in the sand, a stranger in a distant land land. The desert glittered an ethereal shade of gold. That was all she was worth, too, to the slave traders who forced her to march from village to village in search of work. The shackles chafed as she struggled to stand up. She didn't want to meet the wrong end of the whip again. Even at five she knew better than to rage against destiny. It was a pointless struggle. She would work for as long as she was able and after that, Hypnos willing, she will see her family again.

_Clack. Squeak. **Creak.**_

There she was again at ten, collapsed at the back of the wagon, another passenger for a one-way trip to the pyramids. The night shone an angelic shade of navy. She wondered if she was even worth the cost of the chains that covered her limbs. Probably not, she decided without malice. The years had taken its toll; she felt weak, ill, and weary. Days melted into nights when she counted the stars in the sky. Perhaps Thanatos would take pity upon her and let her serve a less cruel family before-

Blue eyes beckoned from the behind the wooden doors. A young boy, perhaps a year or two older than her, surreptitiously beckoning her to follow. One of the new masters pulling a practical joke? Possible, but unlikely. His eyes radiated sincerity. She trusted him and her faith rewarded her with a spark of human kindness.

She memorized his eyes as her horse galloped towards safety. Her heart burned.

_Thump. Thud. **Thump.**_

There she was again, at fifteen, crumpled again in the middle of the town square, surrounded by jeers and laughter. She had- if grudgingly- made peace with her status as an outsider among outsiders. She was accustomed to ridicule. She joined this group of ragtag travelers after Seto rescued her, but even among former convicts she didn't belong. She hurt constantly, but she bore the ridicule with grace- if she couldn't have any dignity in life, well, perhaps she would have it in the afterlife.

Dimly, she registered someone carrying her to a soft, comfortable bed.

She slept. He spoke to her dreams. She didn't need to open her eyes to know it was him again. It was always Seto who comforted and guided her. Even in her dreams she followed the direction of his voice- out the door, through the open courtyard, and onto the path of a black and blue ball of pain as he hugged her tight.

_**Thud.**_

_I'll wait for you, Seto. _

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><p>Kaiba's eyes fluttered. He awoke face first in a pile of coins. Their metallic edges mocked him.<p>

_Kisara. _

Her eyes had been blue, too.

Kaiba looked across the table at Seto, wordless. Kaiba wanted to say something- anything- after the epiphany he just experienced- but nothing came to mind. He touched his lapel, where the briefest trace of moisture lingered over his KC monogram.

Wordlessly, he rearranged the coins into two red sheets. One board for the love in Seto's heart and the other for the love in Kisara's heart.

He pushed the boards together. A sea of red parted by time and circumstance, reunited at last.

Seto nodded.

_No words necessary, my friend._

* * *

><p>The coins glowed again. One by one, a hundred and eight-eight coins vanished into threads of frankincense and myrrh, leaving twelve red coins behind.<p>

A miniature of the scale from the entrance of the pyramid appeared with another papyrus scroll.

Twelve challenges you were to face

Nine days left to race

Life lighter than a feather

Death one cannot tether

Lies will lead your heart astray

But the truth shall set you free

Find one amongst twelve

Chances three you have

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><p><strong>Any takers for this game? <strong>


	5. Chapter 4- The Tomb Keeper's Bore(dom)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own YGO, Greek/Roman/Egyptian mythology, the original coin weighing game (Thanks, Umi!). This trial is based on the taming of the boar. I don't own the Edgar Allan Poe poem referenced below, either. Cookies if you can name it.

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><p>Kaiba surveyed the scale, coins, and room with a touch of apprehension, swiftly bandaged by steely self-control. As much as he now understood and supported Seto's quest to reunite with Kisara, he wasn't stupid enough to risk another mind-bending dream within a dream sequence after his latest tete a tete with Anubis. Just because he temporarily misplaced his common sense and decided to help this fool doesn't mean he couldn't help from afar, preferably from as solid of a ground as Ra's green earth offered.<p>

_Metaphysical thinking...schmetaphysical thinking._ It wouldn't hurt to see if Seto had the mental chops to make it through one of these trials on his own, right?_ Sure he's got (my!) great hair, but he still has to prove he's not a card-carrying member the nerd herd first. Wouldn't do for me to be associated with another founding member of the international association of idiots._

Oblivious to his partner's ruminations, Seto attacked the newest riddle with gusto. The first couplet was easy. Of the twelve challenges, he and Kaiba completed the first one together. Kaiba already solved the second one. This one was his. And they had nine days left to complete the remaining ones. At this rate they'll finish with enough time to hypnotize a couple of Kuribohs for fishing by the Nile.

Gingerly, Seto poked one of the twelve coins. He checked his jaw. No fangs or an overbites. _Well then. _He moved on to the others. All metal and all very, very solid. No discernible difference to the human (spirit?) touch as far as he could could tell.

_Hmmm._ The fourth couplet seemed most relevant to the situation at hand. One of the twelve coins must be different than the others in some way. _Let's see_...The presence of the scale was a dead giveaway the difference is in weight. The last time Seto weighed something- Kaiba's skepticism from the first morning not withstanding- it was his soul against Ma'at's feather of truth. If life was truly lighter than a feather, the coin he was looking for must be lighter than the other eleven. Death may have tethered their physical forms, but not even Osiris himself could disconnect their love for each other. Separated as they may be, their hearts beat as one. That coin would buy the life Kisara deserved from Anubis.

Since it was their third riddle, Seto had three chances to locate the coin. The scale and his intellect would be his only allies.

He placed one coin on a miniature golden plate, half-expecting to turn into mist or dew or whatever humiliating creature Anubis happened to fancy at the moment. Nothing of the sort. The scale tilted upwards, towards Kaiba, whose face registered a brief speck of horrified anticipation before intellectual curiosity squashed it. Seto feigned temporary blindness to this uncharacteristic display of concern as he placed six coins on each side. The scale tilted slightly before the plate on his side floated. _Ha. Take that to the bank, Anubis._

The heavier of the six coins on Kaiba's side vanished.

Two chances left to the find the lightest of the six remaining coins.

Seto moved three of the remaining six coins to the now-empty side of the scale.

The heavier of those three coins tilted towards him and disappeared, too.

One chance left to find the lightest of three.

Seto moved one coin to his hand and one coin to the empty plate. The two remaining coins quivered before the scale rested at equilibrium. Since both of those coins were the same weight, they evaporated, leaving Seto with one remaining coin which must be the lightest of twelve. This one did not melt but instead floated to his neck, where it attached itself to a silvery blue chain that reminded Kaiba- though he would never admit it out loud- of a very familiar pair of eyes.

The scale, however, melted, shimmering into a familiar gold rod that floated obediently into Seto's right hand. The eye of Horus glinted when it recognized its old master. Seto's face broke into a very un-Seto-like grin as he twirled the Millennium Rod, establishing his mental link with well-practiced ease. Kaiba's face broke into a very Kaiba-like grimace. _Holy Ra it's just like watching a mime talk or- worse- Wheeler trying to duel._ Even the drawings on the wall seemed perturbed by this disturbing scene of Seto displaying an emotion other than disdain.

Seto was too busy plotting Anubis' demise to notice. _Finally. Some firepower after all these trials. I'm baaaack._

Kaiba found Seto's interactions with the staff very unsettling. The expression on his companion's face reminded him of the one that little blonde-haired girl- what was her name? Rebecca?- wore before she and her possessed teddy bear stormed Kaibaland with the most idiotic excuse for a duel his system ever recorded. What a bunch of nonsense about duel monster spirits and the ties of friendship. Not even the apparently genius of her grandfather- a sane-looking and, by all accounts, well-respected authority in Egyptology- was immune to the mind-bending effect of stuffed items. (Kaiba arranged to cut funding for his institution immediately). Security reported at least three hundred instances of children who fainted after witnessing Yugi's miserable excuse of a performance against a child with a stuffed animal. Kaiba didn't need the Ishizu fool to foresee a total recall of all cotton and polyester products except for blue eyes white dragon products.

Ignorant of the obvious dangers posed by inanimate objects, Seto continued to twirl the Millennium Rod. The duo appeared to communicate through a telepathic link like the one Yugi had with his imaginary friend. In the span of three minutes, Kaiba planned no less than seventeen escape routes from the room, each more impossible than the last. He despaired. _Great. Just great. They're going to channel Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Wheeler's brain next. _

The rod, to its credit, managed to compress three thousand years of adventures into three minutes of images for Seto to digest. Memory after memory of inexplicably tan tomb keepers watched over the Rod until a particularly bronze one with crazy eye rampaged Battle City. Seto wondered if the strange oblique flying contraption was responsible for turning Marik in a lovely shade of bronze despite his years of sun-deprivation. He made a mental note to ask his future self before seeing Kisara again. _It_ wo_uldn't hurt to look as handsome as possible, right?_

The Millennium Rod seemed less concerned about first-date aesthetics and more concerned about Kaiba's less than enthusiastic reaction to its presence. It seemed- for lack of a better description- _hurt_- that this other being failed to greet him with the warmth of his first master. The eye of Horus drooped sadly.

Kaiba refused to back down. Was that inanimate object..._disappointed _in him?_ Lies._ Protons and neutrons don't have _feelings, _no matter how much the Gardner girl prattled on about that heart of the universe nonsense. Metals can't possibly comprehend such things as anger and loyalty and they certain don't have the power to grant visions of the-

_Holy Ra not again._

He was in the clouds this time, dreaming yet another dream within a dream where a holographic image of Seto waved at a solid image of Marik Ishtar...who was waving at the Millenium Rod...which was waving at himself- Seto Kaiba...who was standing shell-shocked on top of the KC blimp, dueling the Ishtar woman (who he made a mental note to sack from the Domino Museum as soon as he returned). Dream Kaiba appeared just as upset as non-dream Kaiba about the fact that Seto used the rod to conjure an image of himself cradling Kisara's body, slumped before a stone tablet.

Kaiba mentally slapped himself as dream Kaiba took this obscenely realistic hallucination to mean he should sacrifice Obelisk to summon his Blue Eyes White Dragon. Then he realized this hocus pocus allowed him to win. _It's not...cheating if I'm helping myself, right? Yugi does this all the time and no one accuses him of having an unfair advantage._

Somehow, this bizarre turn of events made Ishizu inexplicably happy instead of soul-crushingly depressed like any nimrod with a half a brain who was just humiliated at one of the most prestigious tournaments in the world. Figures why blimp Kaiba purposefully "forgot" to obtain Ishizu's rarest card after the duel. _It's probably a schematic for a teddy bear anyway. Almost as useless as that piece of costume jewelry around her neck._

Even so, Kaiba couldn't quite pinpoint which was worse: that he understood what was going on in this confusing metaphysical train wreck or that this inanimate object with feelings seemed responsible for the whole tortilla. If this was destiny, then he was more convinced than ever it was about as practical as Tristan Taylor in an emergency. Even Gardner had her uses...well, one use when she saved Mokuba. The rest was just fairy tales designed to con small children into surrendering their hard-earned lunch money to bullies.

Unfortunately for Kaiba, years of boredom from living in the dank tombs provided Marik's darker half with many creative solutions for battling with the Millennium Rod, original loyalty to Seto in all his incarnations notwithstanding. It wasn't like the the Ishtars kept drawers full of crossword puzzles for their children. Whereas Ishizu channeled her energy into communing with time, Marik channeled his creativity into less...painless methods of physical and psychological interaction. Hence the wide berth other tomb keeper children gave him at their annual underground potlucks.

Seto, satisfied with the outcome of the duel, faded from view, severing his connection with the rod as he left. Dejected, the golden object slumped back to its newest owner, a sense of foreboding coursing through its atoms as it interpreted Marik's mental commands.

Having decided Kaiba would the perfect volunteer for some of his newest inventions, Marik took aim.

**Bullseye.**

Kaiba cursed as his world melted from view yet again. _Just once I'd like to see Seto try this without motion sickness medicine. _

A papyrus scroll materialized in his hands:

Dawn, dusk, day, night

Up, down, left, right

Try and try as you might

Gravity you cannot fight

Forty paces every which way

In one place you shall stay

Circle cirle dot dot

Can you find the right spot?

* * *

><p><strong>Review? <strong>

Major props if you can solve this one. Think about the scale, spheres, circles, and driving around in squares (oh and if you're familiar with the playground tradition of cootie shots, that too). All of them have one fairly abstract concept in common.

Coming up next: Yami Marik's dream world (Ch. 5 of Trials) and- by request- Ch. 2 of _Cereal._


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